A Secret Place in My Heart

One day last week, an editor called. She presented me with a startling writing assignment. A big scary assignment. An idea that could take months. And if there’s one thing that messes with me, it’s fear.

After we hung up, I sat down at my desk. My cold, clammy fingers hovered above my keyboard. I had no idea how to begin.

Why does she think I can do this?  I don’t know how. 

The softest sweetest voice in my heart whispered one word. 

“Pray.”

I knelt beside by my desk.

Lord, fear is trespassing in my heart again. And I don’t have to be afraid.  

If You’re in this, help me. 

Sometimes when I write, I light a candle. I love the bright glow and the warm smell of cinnamon. I lit my favorite candle and watched the flame for a minute or two.

Then I put my fingers on the keys.

But the candle wasn’t enough.

Two unlit candles caught my attention.

What is it, Lord? 

Father.

Son.

Holy Spirit.

The Trinity. Three in one. Light all three candles. Ask Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to help you. 

I’d never considered praying this way before.

Yes! Yes!

I lit the other candles and knelt again.

“Lord, You’re my Father. The Great I Am. My Protector. Alpha and Omega. 

Jesus, You’re My Savior. My Friend.  Emmanuel. Wonderful Counselor. My Redeemer.

Holy Spirit, You’re my Comforter. My Deliverer. My Teacher. Dwell with me today.”

I crawled back into my chair and typed:

“I had no idea there was any other way to live. Fear, perfectionism, and control were like my wicked stepsisters.”

The words came from a secret place in my heart.

I had begun. 🙂

Here’s a 15-second video of my candles. Just had to show you!

If you can’t see video below, click here

Is there anything in life that keeps you on your knees? 

That’s okay.

It’s a safe place to be.

Love,

Julie

The Wall at the “Y”

Lately, every time I pass a certain wall at the YMCA, it tugs at my heart. This past Saturday, I couldn’t hold back any longer. I snapped a picture. I had to show you. 

Monday morning I rested my fingertips on my laptop keys. Such a magnificent wall. Thank You.

Lord, remember when I felt like quitting earlier this year? I fell into a deep dark hole of fear and doubt. What if I mess up? Don’t get it just right?

I ended up like Jonah in the belly of the whale.

I tried to quit writing. Decided to become a nurse. A hairstylist. A cashier.  Anything but write. 

I studied the picture of the big red wall.

Lord, You’re the Good Shepherd. So patient. You stayed by my side.

From my office loft window, I spotted a cardinal flit by the trees. He hurried on his busy way. You’re the Everlasting God.

I sipped my coffee. Whispered the words on the wall. Probed a little deeper.

When I felt stupid, You showed me Mercy. You didn’t give up on me.

You’re my Redeemer. The Name Above All Names.

Yahweh. 

There’s no peace without You. You’re my Prince of Peace.

More praises rose up. 

I can’t do life without You. You’re The Way, The Truth, The Life.

I can’t write without You. Can’t love without You. Can’t live without You.

You’re my Bread of Life. You’re every name painted on that big red wall and so many more!

Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant singing “Emmanuel.” Or “The Big Red Wall at the ‘Y’.” 🙂

 

 Is there a name for Jesus that stirs your heart?

Love,

Julie