Well, y’all, I blew it. In less than a week, I rebelled against my word for 2015, SIMPLE. I turned something SIMPLE into something complicated and ugly.
As it was happening, I ignored God’s gentle tap-tap-tapping on my heart.
The week started out beautifully, too.
I used my Belk Christmas gift card from Mother to buy plain, white dishes. I thought if my kitchen table looked SIMPLE, I’d remember my word.
I found a SIMPLE green wreath from Target.
But the day I bought my dishes, a phone conversation with someone I love went south.
God seemed to whisper, Don’t respond. Leave this alone.
But I didn’t.
Anger erupted inside of me like red-hot lava.
For most of my life, my anger has turned inward. My stomach hurts. I shut down and smile. This time, I lost my temper. I let loose. I screamed back. Tried to defend my opinion. I was driving, and it felt like the car shuddered around me.
Hang up the phone now, the Soft Voice said.
I lost all sense of time and space, but worse than that.
I lost my peace. I abandoned my word.
Even then, I sensed God’s Spirit calling out to me.
You don’t have to do this.
I knew better. I’ve had years of Alanon.
Still holding the phone, I cried messy tears–the kind where you can’t catch your breath. “I have to go now. Bye,” I choked out.
I came home. Took a hot bath. Cried some more.
I can’t share details, but I knew better than to poke the bear.
The next day, my SIMPLE white dishes arrived.
Feeling stupid and exhausted and a million miles away from God, I unpacked them and set the kitchen table.
Then I unpacked my heart.
I sat by my dishes and wrote hard and fast in my prayer journal.
I did the only thing I could do.
I started over on Step One in Alanon which applies to every area of my life.
I “admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.”
If you’re like me and you’ve somehow lost your word, its closer than you think.
So is God.
My Simple Peace returned, bright and warm, like the candlelight shining on my plain-white dishes.
God’s tenderness found me. Again.
Keep it Simple, Sweetheart. There’s really no other way.
How’s your year going? Your word?