Ever Feel Like Giving Up?

May 16, 2012 By 16 Comments

I have.

For me, it’s been about writing, but it could be about anything near and dear to your heart. Anything you struggle with. Relationships, a career, maybe a dream.

Giving up starts with a single negative thought. I entertain a flicker of doubt.

Who am I to think I can write?

Thoughts gather. Circle like buzzards.

Why in the heck would anyone want to read this?

It’s an awful lotta work. With no guarantees.

Discouragement settles over me like a summer cold.

What if it’s all for nothing?

What if I missed God?

I should probably quit.

Before I make a fool of myself.

Before I fail.

So…..

Saturday morning, Rick and I watched our son Thomas, his girlfriend Brittany, and her brother Shooter run a Chick-fil-A 5K. Brittany and Shooter’s mama watched too. :-)

It was Thomas’s and Shooter’s first race.

We cheered them on at the starting line and were waiting at the finish line. One by one, as they came into view to run the final yards, we clapped, whistled, screamed, “You can do it! Come on! Almost there!”

Holy chills ran down my neck as I witnessed what happened next–the kind where God seems to say, Pay attention.

Rounding the corner toward the homestretch, each one of them did the very same thing.

They kicked it into high gear.

Turned it on big time.

Gave it all they had.

(Thomas above, Shooter below)

 

(Brittany above)

As I saw their determination– jaws set, legs pumping harder, faster, eyes fixed on the goal, I felt the glorious fire ignite inside my heart again.

I can’t quit.

Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore I have set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame. Isaiah 50:7 NIV

Stay the course, my friends! Keep running!

If you feel like giving up, let me know. I’ll pray.

Love,

Julie

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Being a Mom, Glimpses of God, Inspirational, Where are You, God?, Writing Tagged With: , , , , ,

Remembering Mama

May 9, 2012 By 28 Comments

That’s my grandmother Goge holding me. My mother’s mother.  I  remember looking at the magical doll birthday cake and thinking, Wow, Goge thinks I’m pretty special.

She loved my mother the same way.

Yesterday I said, “Mother, what did Goge do to make your childhood so wonderful?”

Goge worked fulltime. Her husband, Mother’s daddy, died when my mom was two.

Here’s what Mother said…so sweet!

I felt intense unconditional love from my mother.

She never stopped smiling at me. 

Every time we saw each other, she looked like she was glad to see me. 

She acted like I was so much fun to be with.

She only had to work half a day on Wednesdays. After work, she put on her shorts and we ran to Sleepy Hollow–a secret place in the woods full of moss and tall trees. All my girlfriends thought it was wonderful. I didn’t know just how wonderful it was until I was grown.

We had one bedroom in our rented apartment. Mother and I slept in the same bed until I was 11 or 12. She bought me a used five dollar roll-away bed, and let me decorate my corner of our bedroom however I wanted to. I ripped out pictures of movie stars from magazines and taped them to the wall.

Sometimes I met her for lunch on the square. We couldn’t cross the street until the light changed so we waved real big at each other while we waited. She always came to my side of the street and hugged me.

When I was 16 she threw  me a “Prom Party.” We set up card tables in the front yard and decorated them with Dorothy Perkins roses that bloomed behind our apartment. We served pink, yellow, green, and white mints, cheese straws, and pink punch with a floating ice ring. I wore a dress our neighbor made–white dotted swiss with lots of crenolines. 

The day my black cocker spaniel named Laddie died, Mother cried with me while we held him.

That’s the only time I ever saw my mother cry.

We don’t forget that kind of love, do we?

Do you have a special mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, friend memory to share? Do tell!

Love,

Julie

 

 

Filed Under: Being a Mom, Friendships and Mother/Daughter Relationships, Glimpses of God, Inspirational Tagged With: , , ,

A Bit of Culture and a New Friend

May 2, 2012 By 27 Comments

Books are some of my dearest friends.

When I was a little girl, they introduced themselves to me on the way home from the library. I ran my fingers along their plastic-lined covers, inhaled the scent of the pages, and fell in love with first sentences.

Thursday night, it happened again.

(On the porch at Ivy Hall)

Mother and I attended a book signing and teaching time at Ivy Hall in Atlanta by Carol Wallace who wrote Leaving Van Gogh, a historical fiction based on the last two months of Vincent Van Gogh’s life.

Carol, writer-in-residence at SCAD Atlanta 2012 ,(Savannah College of Art and Design) is married to Rick Hamlin, our GUIDEPOSTS‘ editor.

As Carol described Vincent Van Gogh’s years of mental illness, Mother and I glanced at each other.

Quite possibly, Vincent was bipolar, like my brother. Van Gogh was difficult to live with, painted obsessively, and never quite fit in.

Carol Wallace had my heart.

So did Vincent Van Gogh.

Before writing this novel, Carol considered weaving the story into a thriller. Then she went to the house where Van Gogh died and spent a few moments “alone with her heart.”

Sitting in his lonely bedroom, Carol knew she couldn’t write a thriller. Instead, she decided to lean into his difficult life and write from the compassionate point-of-view of Van Gogh’s personal physician, Dr. Gachet, who specialized in mental illness.

Mother called early Monday morning. She’d just finished reading Leaving Van Gogh.

“I didn’t think I had the intellect to appreciate it,” she said, “but I read every word. Holding it, the novel felt like satin, yet strong, but not too heavy. The pages turned like windblown leaves.”

“It’s a work of art,” I said. “And I’ve never liked historical fiction.”

“Me neither.”

“But Carol took me there,” I said. “Just think about her research. And what about the power of her nouns and verbs?”

“She describes Madame Chevalier’s walking as…’She stumped back into the house.’ Stumped! Isn’t that wonderful?” Mother said.

“Wonder if Carol wrote and rewrote? Or if she ever got frustrated?”

“She makes writing look like a tidy process,” Mother said. “The book is absolutely perfect. Just like Carol’s blue toenails. They matched her book cover, you know.”

“I didn’t notice, but what about her dialog! I underlined conversations all through the book. In pen,” I said, feeling a tad guilty.

“I wanted to underline, but it’s such a masterpiece I couldn’t mark in it. Not yet anyway.”

                                                                                 * * *

Leaving Van Gogh and even Van Gogh himself have become cherished friends of mine.

The magic happened the moment I began to care about him.


Do you make friends with books or characters in novels? :-) I sure hope I’m not the only one.

Love,

Julie

 

Filed Under: Friendships and Mother/Daughter Relationships, Glimpses of God, Inspirational, Writing Tagged With: , , , , ,

Part Two On Aging, Motherhood, and Marriage

April 25, 2012 By 23 Comments

Last week, I reposted parts of my friend Robin’s blog. Almost three years ago, Robin asked my mother how she felt about aging. Mother talks about that and a few more things below:

Thoughts on my feelings…

I’ve come to believe that our thoughts create our emotions. We only have eight seconds to refuse a thought. This has taken me a lifetime to even start to learn. I guard my thoughts like a mother lion guards her cubs. I’m allergic to fearful or worrying thoughts. They are not permitted to trespass in my mind. This discipline helps me every day.

Worry is a waste of time. I never thought I’d be free of worry and fear. They were constant companions. Not anymore. I give God praise for all He’s allowed to come into my life that’s allowed me to relinquish those two bothersome tag-alongs. Worry and fear. It’s never too late.

Thoughts on my grown children…

I’ve learned we can’t force a grown child to choose life. I don’t believe this is ever learned quickly or easily. Pain after pain after pain brought my solution.

I can’t do this, I told myself one day. I thought God smiled and said, Of course not, child. You were never supposed to.

Grown children make their own choices. Sometimes all we can do is stop trying to fix them and pray hard.

Thoughts on friends…

I have friends of all ages now. From teenagers to seniors much older than I am. Age isn’t a consideration at this time in my life!

I’ve learned not to say everything I think.

Sometimes I see a need that deserves to be met and there’s no one around but me. I meet it and my joy is explosive. People all around us need compassion (not pity). Some need a little money. Some need to laugh. And some need a Savior.

Thoughts on love…

When my husband of 25 years died of brain cancer in 1983, I knew my life was over. I couldn’t imagine going on. My greatest battle with fear ensued. God won that battle for me. It was moment by moment agony though. I was 46 when Jerry died and after a year or so, I began to talk to God about being a wife again.

I like being the other half of someone. After four years, He brought a Guideposts reader into my life and we fell in love through letters and phone calls.  In a four-month delicious courtship (in which we never met until becoming engaged) my life began over. I was so in love I couldn’t eat or sleep or concentrate. Gene Acuff and I have been married for 25 years this August. Sigh!

Gene made me feel like Cinderella–and still does occasionally! Life is good…welcome every day, every year, with an open heart.

(Here’s Mother story in Guideposts about their marriage.)

It’s Julie again. Lots of good stuff here. Thoughts?

Love,

Julie

 

 

Filed Under: Being a Mom, Fear: A New Way of Thinking, Friendships and Mother/Daughter Relationships, Glimpses of God, Inspirational, Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

On Aging, Motherhood, and Vanity

April 18, 2012 By 20 Comments

Now that I’m a smidge over 50, I’d like to share my mother’s thoughts on aging. Some things are worth preserving.

Almost three years ago, my BFF Robin had the nifty idea of asking my mom (Marion Bond West) how she felt about aging.  Mother doesn’t use a computer. She typed her response and snail-mailed it to Robin.

Robin posted Mom’s thoughts on her amazing BLOG (All Things Heart and Home) and I decided to repost it for you.

And speaking of Robin’s blog–it’s one you’ll want to follow~~~

My mother, 75, is a contributing editor for Guideposts magazine, and incredibly honest. Her thoughts are below in bold.

Aging is not what I thought.

It’s like the old timers told me decades ago. “On the inside, I still feel 35, 20, or even ten years old!”

Now I know what that means.

My insides, my emotions still want to do energetic stuff. Clean house, run, engage in passion with my husband, organize my closet, my paper-strewn office, answer mail, shop ’til I drop, vacuum (well, I never did believe in vacuuming to be totally honest).

As my wonderful mother (who died in 2001) said, “I’m fine–I just have the old age infirmities.” She died at 92 and beat cancer three times. I believe because she wasn’t afraid of it–or of anything. She was quite a mom. If I could mother  my children over again, I’d do for them what my mother did for me. She marveled at me every time she saw me. As though I’d just returned from the moon. I can’t remember her ever looking at me without smiling.

She made me feel like I was special (which holds over today) and I was/am barely average.

The way she treated me stayed with me for a lifetime.

Moms, what you do matters.

As you get older, occasionally you get a pleasant surprise. After I turned 70, I discovered I had naturally curly hair! In my younger years, I’d prayed for it, fervently, as well as a turned-up nose, and size 5 1/2 feet rather (rather than 8 1/2).

 I only discovered my curls because was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and couldn’t put hours into my hair care every week. So I shampooed it and fell back into bed. I awoke with curly hair! Oh, joy! Now, I only wash and scrunch it (and of course have it colored a believable reddish/copper). :-)

I’m a little bit vain. When I travel, half  my luggage is all the things I use from the neck up! I also have to bring all my prescriptions. I take a bunch of them–one being a weekly injection of Embrel for rheumatoid arthritis. It’s working, now I’m mostly pain-free! But with the RA, I do have to guard my energy. I don’t hesitate to say no to anything I don’t want to do.

That’s another nice thing about getting older–not feeling the need to say yes to everything.

But there are some things I love that I don’t get to do anymore. I walked 4 miles a day (early mornings) up until 3 years ago, when the RA became tough. I miss early morning walks.

Here’s something else about aging. My arms. I hate the wrinkly skin on my arms when I hold them up. But I’ve figured out how to cope with that….I just keep my arms down! You’ve got to roll with the punches.

Okay, it’s me again, Julie.

(Here’s Mom’s article in GUIDEPOSTS about being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.)

So, what do you think? Do you have a hard time saying no? Have you learned that little life lesson? I’m getting much better at it. :-)

And what about my grandmother? She wasn’t afraid of anything! Ever. And what about Mother’s sweet thoughts on motherhood?

Have you learned to roll with the punches–with whatever you might be struggling with right now? I’m still working on this one. Maybe it comes after age 70 like Mother’s curly hair. :-)

I’ll post more of Mother’s thoughts next Wednesday. Thank you for visiting!

Love,

Julie

Filed Under: Being a Mom, Friendships and Mother/Daughter Relationships, Inspirational Tagged With: , , ,

Lo and Behold Standing in My Backyard…

April 11, 2012 By 43 Comments

As a second grader, I prayed to wake up and find a horse in the backyard.

I wanted to be just like my friend Jody. She had horses. She was always sketching them on notebook paper and galloping around in circles at recess.

One morning a few weeks ago, my childhood prayer was answered. I glanced out the kitchen window and there they were. Not one but three gorgeous horses grazing in my backyard!

Surely this can’t be happening. I’m dreaming or I’ve gone to heaven.

It was as though they were unicorns or dinosaurs.

What to do?

Try to lasso them?

Sweet talk them?

Give them apples?

I don’t know anything about horses so I called my son’s girlfriend Brittany. She’s a horse-girl like Jody. Brittany and her mom rushed over with a barrel of food, leads, and harnesses. (I’m not sure if they’re called harnesses. Bridles?)

Awestruck, mostly I just had fun watching.

And I was right. You do sweet talk horses. :-)

(I didn’t try to feed them apples, peanut butter crackers, or Fanta grape . The snacks I’m holding are for Brittany. :-) )

We discovered they’d escaped through my neighbor’s fence. I got to lead the way back to their pasture.

Such an unexpected adventure I had to share it with you!

Just when we’re about to give up hope and abandon our deepest desires, that’s the moment God rushes in and surprises us.

Hang on to hope.

The thrill of His timing is worth the wait.

Love,

Julie

 

 

 

Filed Under: Glimpses of God, Inspirational Tagged With: , , , , ,

My Easter Confession

April 4, 2012 By 26 Comments

Here we are on an Easter Sunday morning during the late 80′s. My daughters and me.

Back then, even though I don’t like to shop, I ran around town searching for just the right matching dresses for our girls. Their little Mary Jane shoes, white lacy tights, and hair bows had to match, too.

Then our son came along, so I coordinated his Easter outfits to ours (including my husband’s tie).

I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with new clothes, shopping, or dressing up. That’s not what this is about.

I knew the real meaning of Easter, but I didn’t worship.

I was too busy creating the illusion of perfection.

Sad, but true.

A few years ago, my husband and son built a huge cross midway down our gravel driveway.

Yesterday morning, I walked to the cross and remembered Easters when my children were little.

The air was damp and cool. Maybe like the Garden of Gethsemane.

I stared at the ground surrounding the cross, traced my fingertips along the rough wood.

Lord, forgive me for my pride. I didn’t worship You those Easter Sunday mornings. It was all about me.

Slowly, I raised my head and studied the cross.

Thought about His death. His outstretched arms. His resurrection.

You’ve been forgiven, He seemed to say. That’s why I died. Worship Me now. This very moment.

I glanced at my clothes.

Faded jeans, a T-shirt, my husband’s jacket, and my old tennis shoes.

Kneeling at the foot of the cross, my clothes didn’t matter. Not at all.

Thank you, Lord. I love You. More of You. Less of me.

Love,

Julie

 

Filed Under: Being a Mom, Glimpses of God, The Pitfalls of Perfection Tagged With: , ,

He Loves Me…Even When I Mess Up

March 28, 2012 By 16 Comments

A couple of Saturday ago, I was grocery shopping, my mind wandering through Worry Land.

I was stressing and obsessing about a decision in life…

What if I decide yes and it’s the wrong thing? What if I pick no and it’s wrong? Ahhhh! What to do?

Back and forth, back and forth.

And then I realized I’d abandoned my one word for this year, SURRENDER.

I was trying to take control–the opposite of letting go. And it wasn’t the first time.

Then the guilt came.

You’re doing it again, you know. You’ll never get it right.

In my head, I knew God loved me, but for a few minutes, my heart forgot.

Driving home, I flipped on the radio. My favorite song was playing. Ohhh, how I love this song!

I knocked my worries out of the way and listened to the powerful words. They always move me.

I asked for forgiveness and let His love sink in.

God loves me. He really loves me.

Even when I mess up. Even when I doubt Him. Even when I struggle to surrender.

After the song, I prayed with a tiny amount  of faith. Barely a blip of a prayer.

God, I sure wish we could sing this song in church tomorrow.

Guess what? We did!

Hope you love it too. :-)

P.S. How are you doing with your one word for 2012? If you’ve messed up too, it’s okay. God still loves us. :-) Big time!

Love,

Julie

Filed Under: Fear: A New Way of Thinking, Forgiveness, Glimpses of God, Inspirational, The Pitfalls of Perfection, Where are You, God? Tagged With: , , , , ,

My Friend Lisa’s Journey to Joy

March 21, 2012 By 26 Comments

I’d like to introduce you to my friend Lisa Buffaloe. Her journey to joy fascinates me.

Lisa says, “I’m not a perfect wife, perfect mother, or perfect at anything. I keep a fairly clean house, cook semi-decent meals, and love to write. I’m a real life mom with real life problems.”

Because of chronic illness, for almost eleven years, Lisa rarely left her home except to attend Bible study and church. She attended occasional writers’ conferences, but came home exhausted. Lisa wouldn’t want to relive her dark, lonely years, but she wouldn’t trade them for anything. During this difficult time, Lisa discovered day-by-day dependence of God.

In 1999, Lisa and her husband were living in Illinois and went hiking in the woods where they observed a deer. Later, Lisa found a tick. “It was so tiny,” she said. “Nothing compared to the ticks we’ve seen in Texas.”

While gardening in October of 2000, Lisa felt as though she’d been hit by a sledgehammer. Unable to see or walk, her husband rushed her to the emergency room. She was misdiagnosed with labrynthitis, meaning an inflammation of the inner ear.

“Over the years, I was poked, prodded, and diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, swollen jugular vein, autoimmune inner ear disease, kidney infections, kidney stones, and hearing problems. One doctor thought I had a brain tumor. Another considered multiple sclerosis or lupus. I’ve had constant use of steroids to try to stop the unending dizziness, tumors, cysts, numbness, headaches, bleeding problems, eye problems, nerve damage, and the list goes on and on.”

Finally in January of 2006, a neurologist made an accurate diagnosis.

Lisa tested positive for Lyme’s disease. After being referred to an infectious disease specialist, she began thirty days of IV antibiotics. She soon felt better and hoped she was well. Two months later, she met someone with Lyme’s who asked her a few health-related questions. Her new friend suggested she might still have active Lyme’s. Lisa traveled to a Lyme literate doctor and began taking antibiotics again, but this didn’t cure her illness. Soon she battled a blood infection that nearly took her life.

Lisa wouldn’t have made it without her Bible, God’s love, and her husband and son. Her family gave her a reason to get up each morning.

Lisa’s struggles extended beyond Lyme’s disease. She discovered by putting her experiences on paper, God brought light to the darkness of her past. By writing honestly, Lisa was set free from memories of sexual abuse. Wanting to help other women, in February of 2007, Lisa started a personal blog. Daily, she writes from her heart. She considers her blog a filling station where readers come, fill up, and gather strength.

Lisa Buffaloe’s story to wholeness gets even better. In August of 2011, after suffering from a three-day long horrific migraine, she prayed for healing. Deep in her soul she heard God say, “You are healed. Be healed little one.”

Instantly she felt a rush of heat go through her body. Her headache vanished and she knew, without a doubt, she’d been healed of Lyme’s disease.

Recently, Lisa experienced another surprise. A childhood desire she’d all but forgotten has come to pass. Growing up, her family moved often. Though blessed with a few friends, she was a loner. Lisa remembers going to bed at night as a child with a tiny plastic radio-shaped pillow. More than anything, she wanted to be a deejay. Following eleven years of isolation and after much healing, Lisa’s dream came true.

Lisa Buffaloe now hosts her own radio show called, “Living Joyfully Free.” Every Monday morning, she airs a new interview. Her program is about finding freedom, hope, and joy in the journey.

Lisa wondered after being quiet for so long, if she’d know how to talk to people. The Lord seemed to say, “You’re a host. You’ll be listening.” This thrills Lisa. She’s all about listening to people and loving on them.

God is faithful. Often, He brings about our hearts’ desires–even those unspoken childhood dreams.

To find out more about Lisa, visit her website and blogs, Fliterary and lisabuffaloe.blogspot.com . Be sure to visit her radio show too!

Lisa Buffaloe lives in Idaho with her husband and son. She’s an author, speaker, blogger, and radio host. Her favorite quote is, “In my deepest wound, I saw your glory and it dazzled me.” St Augustine

Filed Under: Friendships and Mother/Daughter Relationships, Glimpses of God, Inspirational, Writing Tagged With: , , , , ,

True Love and Homemade Brunswick Stew

March 14, 2012 By 15 Comments

My husband Rick and I married 33 years ago. Young love was amazing, but mature love is  even better!

Every single day the man makes me laugh. I admire his perseverance. I love his free-spirited ways.

Like what happened one drizzly Sunday in February…

We went grocery shopping after church. Since I was diagnosed with Celiac, he’s been so sweet to help me eat gluten-free. Standing by the meat aisle at Publix he said, “Let’s make homemade Brunswick stew today.”

We’d never made homemade Brunswick stew. We didn’t have a recipe. No grocery list.

“Do you know how?”

“It can’t be all that hard.”

I smiled. That’s why I love him.

He tossed some pork chops in the buggy and picked out the rest of his spur-of-the-moment ingredients. All gluten-free, for me. :-)

As soon as we got home, he chopped an onion and cut the meat into tiny pieces. Then he put everything in the crock pot and cooked it all day.

I’m telling you, my husband’s Brunswick stew was incredible–the stuff true love is made of.

Here’s the recipe. Of course, he didn’t measure, so I’m guessing. I don’t think you can go wrong with these yummy ingredients:

Four boneless pork chops cut into tiny pieces

Three boneless chicken breasts cut into tiny pieces

A pound of good steak cut into tiny pieces

2-28 ounce cans pureed tomatoes

About two cups or so of chicken stock (gluten-free if necessary)

One chopped onion

A package frozen silver queen corn

About a cup of barbecue sauce (we used Kraft, gluten-free)

About 3 tablespoons dark brown sugar

Salt and pepper

Texas Pete Sauce–as much or as little as you like.

While the stew simmered, I made popcorn as rain pelted on our tin roof.

Rick built a cozy fire and Thelma, our calico cat, curled up on my lap. Clyde, our yellow Lab, slept at our feet.

One of my all-time favorite Sunday afternoons!

A good marriage is like homemade Brunswick stew. Sweet, spicy, and full of love.

Anybody else make good homemade Brunswick stew? Share your recipe!

Love,

Julie

Filed Under: Celiac Disease/Gluten-Free, Inspirational, Marriage Tagged With: , , ,
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